Kim Possible the Lost Episode

Kim Possible. She is just another average girl. She is here to save the world. Don't stop her, cause she's Kim. Possible. She can do anything. But not really. ...I found the lost episode VHS tape the other day-- Now, let's get things out of the way and bring up the picture of a fat gigantic rainbow-colored original character "do not steal" elephant in the room. I have a confession to make, and it’s gonna hurt everyone’s feelings more than mine; cause my feelings were hurt long ago. I was an up-and-coming film director for the porn film industry. I was originally penning my script for my first porno, "Cum Guzzling Bukake Sluts Jacking Their Cunts from the Inner Dickshapes of Two Shitstained Nipples That Were Skullfucked By a Couple of Greasy Sperm-Whale Alien Midgets Beyond the Deep Ends of Outer Space." I'm not kidding either. And by the way, if you are a 50-70 year-old boomer parent, please cover your ears and monitor your kids. They’ll end up watching lost episodes; exactly like what I’m about to describe to you. And also, if you are the same exact boomer parent who brainwashes and/or betrays your children, also do not watch videos like this; because this is what happened with my mother. --what a narcissist bitch. So I my lifelong dream of becoming a porno filmmaker was shattered because of my mom offering me to live on social security money due to her left-wing political views and other bullshit morals she believes in.

Despite that however, I ignored all of that and enjoyed my dull life as is. But something suspicious happened one fine and/or productive day. I was browsing on YouTube just to watch some compilation videos featuring Irate Gamer, Cinema Snob, Nostalgia Critic, Game Dude, ProJared, and Angry Joe all in one all because I had nothing else to do in my entire life. It was fine and dandy until I heard a whimsical doorbell ring and then I answered. Strangely, it was the Noid; and not someone in that costume either; but legit; The Noid holding two Domino’s pizzas with a VHS tape with crooked label on it. Funny, I thought Domino’s discontinued that mascot a long time ago after that horrifying event back in the ‘90s. And holding a VHS tape? Never thought pizza men would carry home media. Plus I don’t remember ordering pizza.”Your total is $25, my good sir!” The Noid said as I kindly tipped him $28.25; but yet miraculously slammed the two pizzas and VHS tape in my face and pulled his rabbit ears by spouting out, “That’s just the tip of the iceberg. If you think your life sucks, there’s more to come!” He giggled and hopped off. That guy was a lunatic, I wanted to call the police with my stylized Metal Gear Solid radio transceiver, yet I keep forgetting that my batteries for that puppy were out of juice. Well brownie points for giving me a VHS tape; let alone a lost episode VHS tape. I can tell by the crooked sticker label written in black sharpie (I’m assuming, in what looks appear to be handwritten by a five-year-old in scribbles) saying, “Kimi Pawsbel: Las Vegas Op. 420” featuring stock images of both Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable taken from Google Images plastered in the bottom right hand corner. I mean what style witchcraft of voodoo and magical mystery tour of spells could this tape br-- ...fuck it, I remembered that there are bound to be cliches. Readers or viewers beware depending on which platform this pasta will be viewed. ...some people say that Whose Line is it Anyw-- I popped the tape into my dull TV and VCR combo to see what kind of stuff might happen, just out of curiosity.

The tape started out with what I assume; but I cannot confirm; the early (maybe(?) pilot) version of the Kim Possible theme song I’ve come to know and love; however, the female singer sounded a bit-more off key, more sour, hiccup-y, and tipsy even; as if she was hungover from last night’s karaoke night at the bar (an embarrassing one at that). The instrumentation also sounded off-key; and in addition played off a midi keyboard. The episode eventually started. It starts off with Kim Possible sitting in her room alone but with more light illuminating within the dark, pressingly humming the theme song. She turns around, assuming she has a call from her boss. During the process of this scene unfolding, Kim responds to the boss but her voice sounded more sinister and a bit more sadistic. “Yes, Mr. Load. All of my evil doings will commence early in the morning. People will remember the event. There was no love for the Kim. She was abandoned, hated, viled, and emotionally butchered – by all eternity! #Subscribe2Noidz #DabOnSomePizza #EPICWINSTYLE” She hangs up her spy phone and goes to bed.

The next morning we see Kim and Ron Stoppable taking place during lunch hours at Middletown High School having a little conversation. This scene plays as a typical episode until the next part which made me think about hurling at that moment. Kim took out Ron’s pet mole rat Rufus who happened to appeared roadkilled with flies shielding the poor thing and visible corpses within his skin shown. Ron reaction was painful, but Kim looked at the camera as if she was trying to break the fourth wall. She explains with her sinister voice, “Now that I’m expelled by day; tonight will be the night that I’m America’s biggest terrorist by night.” This was followed up with her open wide smile unveiling her razor-sharp yellow teeth and a much bigger Jewish nose trying to resemble a female ProJared. Funny, I just watched a compilation of cynical angry reviewers prior to watching this tape. I mean, yeah I gotta remind y’all that because I’m lonely, but this is not important. What’s important is the next scene, however, which gets worse.

The scene cuts to the afternoon outside where Ron is walking, heading to the bus in silent disappointment given the events of the last scene. As he takes his seat, Kim appears smiling wide open out of nowhere as he freaks out. “Hey fucker!” Kim giggled. Sweet mother of fucking ducking cum slurping twat cunt fucker of a cocksucker motherfucking tits ass dickfucker, why is Kim Possible swearing in this fucking episode? This is a fucking kids fucking show! Ron suddenly began twitching before fainting as the ambulance was heard and he got back up violently screaming his terror tracks running for his life as if he was about to be taken to a mental ward for his eternal life. In the next scene, Kim wrote on her diary the following, “My first victim, complete. The next sitch… more victims, cause I can do anything! Do more damages… do more harm… do more hate… do more crime… do more poverty, slavery, racism, terrorism, shootings, sadism, bombings, assassination, war, drugs, insanity, fascism, dictatorship, divorce, 9/11, tsunamis, bestiality… RISE UP GAMERS. I AM KIM POSSIBLE, I AM HERE TO SAVE THE WORD. TRUE GAMER. TRUE LEADER. IT’S TIME TO RISE UP WITH OUR CAN OF MONSTER DRINKS AND COPIES OF EITHER HALF-LIFE 2 AND QUAKE II AND FINALLY SAY THE N-WORD.” During that scene, we see Kim walk through the shadows while unveiling herself in a clown suit.

No. No! I, as a chad, am petrified. I shut the tape off for a couple of day wandering just exactly why this happened. Was it prank? Was it a shitty clickbait YouTube rant video? Was it a YouTube Poop? Why am I asking questions? I kept on asking and asking, not going o the computer to do research, not even going to the bathroom to go weewee. That is how traumatized I was! Hatchi matchi, dude! Regardless, I pressed on. Before I could continue on, I’ll say one final thing… I just really hope someone; whoever made this episode; got fired for that blunder.

So eventually on the same night she visits Mr. Load, but let me inform any and everyone that the original voice actor behind Mr. Load is not the same voice actor; but rather, he is replaced by none other than, of all people, Bill Cosby! “Young Possible when you get done with your mission,” Load Cosby inquired, “come back wit’ a cyanide mixed wit’ a diet coke, a Jello blood pop, and a disheveled demonic smile of yours lit’l darlin’.” She begins her retribution by using her time gadget by going to her future self. I can see glimpses of her shadow selves fighting against each other from the final episode; except this time, one of her selves is shown carrying a 10mm pistol shooting her future self with hyper realistic bloody blood bleedy blood all over her future body. She jumps forward to another Disney show; unexpectedly turning into a crossover. Dr. Doofensmiftz teams up with Kim Possible to brutally massacre Phineas, Ferb, Candace, Milo Murphy, and Perry the Platypus. They both travel to Mystery Shack where a Dipper and Mabel’s parents were murdered by the same 10mm pistol on one foggy night. The scene cuts to T.J., Gus, and Vince coming back to their respective families for the holidays from their Iraq War in late-2000s only to realize that they have visitors. The scene cuts to Mewni where Star Butterfly manipulates her wand to destroy two worlds (Mewni and Echo Creek) as her forces of mass genocide and leading herself to hell in a rap battle against Satan. Pepper Ann gets tired of her everyday life (her job at Wendy’s, her life with her new cats, etc.) so she ends her life with a toaster. Maggie and Pupert are still depressed which ends with suicide. The scene cuts to a white globe centered far away with Kim’s head floating around sinister laughing and her voice muttering, “So many possibilities.” The ending portions of this episode still haunts me to this day; and after describing the entire episode in detail; it says a lot.

After all that is said and done, all of these characters are finally in hell, and keep in mind, all of this was thanks to Kim Possible herself. Satan gives her a firm handshake congratulating her and her devious deeds she’s done the past couple days resulting both of them torturing these characters following up with violent sounds of agonizing screams. “I just love your despising evil of flesh and soul,” Satan complemented following up with a couple questions, “but how did you exactly do such maniacal things? Was it because of you were secretly raised by mole rats? And yet mole rats are related to lizards?” Kim giggled and replied these questions, “Oh Lucifer you lunatic! We are the lizards!” The episode ends with the camera slowly panning to her eyes as her pupils sliver like almonds.